What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
