Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
