Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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