The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
