Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How does one acquire holy water?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize