I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
