the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
