my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
