yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
