FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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