he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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