I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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