You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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