So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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