as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
