i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
