Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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