He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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