He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you win again, gameday.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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