who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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