Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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