if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
