Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
