I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
