she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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