I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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