You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
