listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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