He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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