Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
