Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
