i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize