i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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