My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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