Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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