Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
