I just cut my nipple shaving
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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