The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So many bounce houses so little time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
