So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
