every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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