I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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