she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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