imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
