He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
