some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
