They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
