if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my shit smells like andre
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
