i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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