i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
