My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
