Midget sex pt 2 tonight
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
