totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
