You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize