do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize