she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
