I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize