I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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