Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
