the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there's paper in my vomit.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
