Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
His nipple licking is glorious
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