It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We are two peas in an std pod
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
