Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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