He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
