We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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