R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
