I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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