I think i peed on brittanys purse
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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