You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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