I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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