Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
