oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
