the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
