dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
