About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
